We Had Natalie, Too
by musicalsarelife
Summary: Three scenes dealing with the Goodmans and their second child. Spoilers. My first N2N fic. Rating for language just to be safe. Mostly between Dan and Diana. Last chapter is up, and it primarily features Natalie and Henry. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
1. It Won't Happen Again

Okay, so please be nice to me with this. I am basing my story off the cast recording and the Twitter performance. Constructive criticism is fine, and I always love good feedback. Although I really want to see _Next to Normal,_ I have not yet been fortunate enough to do so. This chapter takes place a couple months after Gabe's death.

_We Had Natalie, Too_

"It Won't Happen Again"

When Dan Goodman stepped out of his car into his driveway, after a day at work, he was greeted with a repeated, odd, thudding noise, alternating with a desperate scream. For the last two months he had become accustomed to seeing his beloved wife break into tears, but these noises were not usual, even for their depressed state of mind.

Worried, he ran inside, not bothering to take his briefcase from the trunk or even to close and lock the car doors. The house was eerily silent for a moment once he entered, he called to his wife, "Di?" There was no answer, but the silence was broken a moment later by yet another scream. He ran from the hall to the living room to see Diana slamming herself directly into a wall. She took a few steps back, screamed and ran into the wall yet again.

"Oh, shit." He mumbled to himself. After a moment of shock when he stood paralyzed in confusion, he rushed forward catching Diana around the waist to keep her from running, once again, into the wall. She struggled against his grasp for a few seconds, before collapsing into his arms, sobbing.

He knelt down to allow her to lean on him more comfortably. She tightly clutched the front of his shirt with her right hand, as she cried into his chest, and he gently stroked her hair, whispering softly into her ear in attempt to calm her.

After maybe ten or fifteen minutes, Diana's sobbing had subsided, so she was now only quietly whimpering, still burying her face against her husband's shirt. Dan pulled away slightly to look into Diana's face. Wiping a few tears from her eyes, he softly asked, "My love, what happened?"

She broke into another sob, causing him to pull her back against him, cooing, "No, no, my love, it's okay. Everything will be just fine. Just tell me what happened."

With a sniff, Diana pulled away, looking down. He gently tilted her head to see her eyes. "Please." He coaxed.

She said nothing, but pressed something into his hand. He looked down to see something he had seen once before. With soft astonishment, he whispered, half as a statement, half as a question "You're pregnant again."

She nodded, silent tears running down her cheek.

Dan dropped the pregnancy test into his lap, allowing him to take her face into his hands, "Di, why are you upset? This is wonderful." His voice hitched slightly, as he filled with a joy that had been lost in a hospital waiting room.

"No, Dan, no." She shook her head, pulling away. "We can't...I can't..." She started crying again replacing her head against his shoulder. Understanding he could not rush her words, Dan allowed her to cry for a few more minutes.

Finally she took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, "I can't do this again: the worrying, the dread, the pain. I just can't, Dan, I just can't."

"Diana, no," he said softly and firmly, "This time it will be different."

"But what if it's not? What if this child..."

He cut her off, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence, "It won't happen again."

She looked at him, begging the unspoken question, "How can you be sure?" He just repeated, "It won't happen again."

"But," she paused momentarily, swallowing hard, "Dan I don't want another child. I want Gabe back." She choked on her child's name and tears again began to streak her face.

Dan inhaled sharply. "I..." He had never expected her to say that, not the first part at least. With a sigh, he gripped her shoulders, as if he were trying to keep her from falling apart, and looking directly into her face, he said, "Diana, I can't tell you that this child will be Gabe. I know as well as you that nothing can bring him back, and that thought breaks my heart. All I know, is that when we found out we were going to have him, when we had him, we were both happier than ever before. I know that this child can bring back that happiness, that joy. I know it. This baby won't be Gabe, but whoever it is, he or she will be just as perfect as before."

"How can you ever guess that, Dan?" She said skeptically.

He smiled, tapping her nose with his finger, "Because you're still the kid's mother."

She grinned, an act so foreign to them both at this time, "Oh, Dan." He pulled her close, hugging her tightly.

"My God, I love you, Di."

She leaned up and kissed him. She pulled away for a moment as if to say something, but without a word she threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him once more.


	2. I Couldn't Let Myself Hold Her

Second chapter. Natalie's birth. I realized I didn't say this in the last chapter, but, of course, I do not own Next to Normal. This event is really open to interpretation. This is mine.

_We Had Natalie, Too_

"I Couldn't Let Myself Hold Her"

The months following Diana's outburst seemed to fly by. The indescribable happiness flourished once more. When Diana went into labor, the couple rushed into the car and sped to the hospital.

She looked out the car window and saw the sun just beginning to rise. It was gray, and it looked like it might rain, but there was still a glow of light from the sun. The windows were closed, but she could imagine the cool, wet air outside the racing Honda.

Dan quickly glanced at her, realizing she had not spoken for several minutes. She silently stared, looking straight forward. "Di, are you alright?"

Softly, with a heavy sadness, she said, "I remember this drive."

He said nothing in return. What could he say?

They reached the hospital and checked Diana into her room. While the nurses got her ready, Dan discovered that he had the same butterflies in his stomach as he had the first time. While he waited, he stood up, just to sit back down. He fidgeted like a small child forced to sit still for an extended period of time. He had just began to pace, when an annoyed glance from a nurse made him decide that he was really in the way. He excused himself from the room and continued pacing outside.

An older man, waiting outside another room, laughed at the nervous, pacing man. He smiled, "You seem nervous, son."

Dan returned the smile, "Well, I suppose I am."

"Your first child?"

"Actually, our second."

"This will be my third grandchild." The old man told him. Dan gave his congratulations. "How old is your first kid?" The old man asked.

"Well, he's..." Dan froze. The old man looked puzzled at Dan's now fallen face. Dan stepped back, "I should get back inside," and he reentered his wife's room.

After another half hour, the little girl, Natalie, came into the world. She let out an oddly musical cry, announcing herself to her parents and the world. Dan watched eagerly as the nurses cleaned and wrapped the baby. The nurse laughed as she finished wrapping Natalie, and turning to Dan, she asked, "Would you like to hold her?"

"Yes, please." Dan reached out and took his daughter into his arms. Rocking her back and forth, he cooed, soft words, "Hi sweetheart." "Good morning," and other nothings to the lovely child. He was so engrossed in the little girl, that he hardly noticed as the nurses exited.

He looked up at his wife. "Diana," his voice hitched in a small sob, "She's beautiful. Just beautiful." He sat in the chair next to the bed, to let Diana see her, but Diana was looking straight ahead, as she had in the car.

Her expression was blank, as she stared at the walls.

"Di?"

She turned toward he husband's voice. "Sorry. Did you say something?"

"Would you like to hold her?"

"Umm," Diana hesitated. Dan cocked his head to one side. When Gabriel had been born, she had a bright look on her face, and had kept begging to see and hold him, even before he had been washed. "Um, yes. I guess I do."

Her husband smiled and held the little bundle out to her. For a moment Diana held the child awkwardly in her hands. Suddenly, she set the baby down in her lap. She moved her hands away from the girl, which therefore provided no support for the baby's head or neck.

The baby let out a small cry, which caught Dan's attention. He had been looking outside, lost in a drizzly reverie. He turned around, completely confused by Diana's behavior.

"Diana, why aren't you holding her?"

Diana did not answer, and the little girl's crying got louder.

"Diana, you know how to hold her. What are you doing?"

Diana did not answer, and the little girl's crying got louder.

"Diana?"

Diana did not answer, and the little girl's crying got louder.

Dan screamed, "Diana, what's wrong with you?" to match the now screaming baby. He reached out and took the baby back into his arms. Turning away from his wife, he petted the little girl's hair and began to whisper to her again to calm her.

As soon as Dan took the girl away, Diana covered her face with her hands and began to cry. She had wanted to hold the baby. Really, she had. But for some reason she just couldn't. Some odd force kept her hands at her side and did not allow her to touch her baby girl. As Dan and Natalie had screamed, she screamed, too, on the inside. She couldn't hold her child. Either one.


	3. You're Not Invisible to Me

Final chapter. Right after "Superboy and the Invisible Girl." This chapter was originally going to be another scene between Dan and Diana, but I decided it worked better as a scene between Henry and Natalie. Let me know what you think. I know this isn't what actually is said in the show, but I think it would still work.

_We Had Natalie, Too_

"You're Not Invisible to Me"

"Fuck this!" Natalie screamed and tore up the stairs. She ran up, skipping every other stair, then sprinted down the hallway into her room, slamming the door behind her, and she continued running until she hit the wall. She stepped back, braced her hands against the wall, and then began hitting the wall, with great force, with her head. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." She repeated each time she made contact with the wall.

After a minute or two, she felt a hand on her shoulder, forcing her away from the wall. Henry pulled her into his arms, but she shoved him away.

"Just stop!" She screamed at him. "Don't touch me!"

He stepped back, now just happy that she was no longer doing something that might cause severe brain damage. "Natalie, let me help you."

"No!" She yelled again, collapsing into the chair by her desk. She covered her face with her hands. There was a long silent moment before the girl spoke again, this time in a choked whisper, "You can't fix my fucked up life."

He looked down at her silently for another long moment. She looked up, and with bitter sarcasm in her voice, she asked, "Can you?"

"I..." Henry's voice trailed off before he could start. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to save her, from drowning, from falling, but all he could say in the end was, "I have some pot."

"Dammit, Henry." She turned the chair away from him, leaning on the desk to cry.

Admittedly, Henry was new at the whole "relationship" idea, but he figured that his girlfriend breaking into tears could not be a good thing, "Oh no. Come on, don't cry." He stepped forward placing his hand on her shoulder.

Again, she pushed him away, "No, Henry, you just don't get it! It's always like this!" She looked up at him, an obvious anger present in her voice and eyes. He backed away slightly, his eyes still fixed on her. "It's not just that she's my crazy mom who humiliates me the first time I bring someone over."

Henry noticed that she still refused to say "boyfriend," but he decided that this was not the time to bring it up.

"It's not just that she makes sandwiches on the floor for someone who can never eat them. It's not even that she sings and bakes cakes for someone who's dead."

She turned away. "It's that she forgets that she humiliates me, because she forget I'm there. It's that she makes one hundred ham sandwiches for my brother, and forgets to make one vegetarian lunch for me. And," she paused, "It's that I've heard her sing 'Happy Birthday' for him, at least ten times, but she's never once sung it for me." Her voice had gotten progressively emotional, until the tears she had controlled for a minute began to flow again.

"It's like she can't see me."

There was a knock at the door. "Natalie, sweetheart?" Diana's voice came through, muffled by the door. Natalie went over but did not open it.

"What? Your party's over?" Natalie said sarcastically through the door.

"Honey, I'm sorry." Diana said, her voice was coaxing and sounded truly regretful. "You know I love you, right?"

No answer. Henry watched the uncomfortable silence.

"Natalie, I love you as much as I can."

Natalie heard her mother shuffle down the hall before she cried out again and punched the door. She looked wildly over at Henry, "'As much as I can?' What the hell does that mean?" She leaned back on the door and slid down. "I hate this. She sees him, and he's perfect, and he's not here, so he can't screw up that vision. I'm here. I'm not perfect, and each time I prove it, I just become invisible to her."

Henry grabbed her hands and pulled her up. Once again, he wrapped her in his arms, and held her for a moment. "You're not invisible to me."

"Oh God, Henry." She pushed him away, "Just get out the pot."


End file.
